He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
