just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
