Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
