i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
