The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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