went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
