I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
