i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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