no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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