I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
