I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
