Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
