It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
