the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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