I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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