My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize