they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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