if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
