there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
