the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
