I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
