I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
