Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this boner is exhausting
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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