I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
