I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
