For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
