1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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