So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
