I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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