Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
