She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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