and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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