how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
