I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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