So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize