put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
