for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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