So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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