What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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