Don't make out with my wife yet
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
