i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
