I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
