i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
