if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
