i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
