DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize