Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
