It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
