Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
