I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
