I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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