If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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