Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
