I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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