when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
