i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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