i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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