Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
