My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
