U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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