You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
