My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
