Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
