is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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