Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
